I am a tax-paying, law-abiding, citizen. I am a military veteran. I am a productive, constructive contributor to the well-being of my community and society as a whole. I am a patriot who takes seriously my responsibility to and for my government. My love for and accountability for my country can be summed up in Carl Schurz's words: "My country, right or wrong; if right, to be kept right; and if wrong, to be set right."
I am also tired of being treated like a criminal or potential criminal, of having my liberty and dignity eroded in the name of "security" or "safety," of being spied on by airplanes in the sky, of being told what I may wear to a public event, of having my privacy infringed, of having my liberties denied, of being expected to mindlessly conform to one or another party's dogma in order to be considered a "good" American. I am tired of my government's efforts to take from me the fruits of my labors, the esteem of my neighbors, the respect I am due as a human being, the liberty to pursue happiness in my own way provided I harm none. I am tired of a government that wants to rule me instead of lead me, that prefers me docile and frightened rather than independent and courageous, that wishes I--I, a citizen and a patriot and a veteran--that wishes I would shut up and go away rather than challenge its excesses and confront its failures.
(This is not a partisan thing. This has been going on in federal, state, and local government for many administrations and under the leadership of both parties. I am not a tea-partier, I am not a DemoCRIP, I am not a RepuBLOODcan, I am an American. I am not beholden to, nor am I at all happy with, either of the parties that have abused the principles and soul of this great country for too long.)
And I am TIRED of a government that, far from being "Of the people, by the people, and for the people" serves special interests and its own at the expense of the common folk. I am TIRED of a government that thinks it--an entity with no heart, no soul, no real life--I am TIRED of a government that thinks it knows better than me what is good for me, that thinks it knows what I should do even when what I want to do harms nobody, a government that thinks it has the right to compel (at the expense of individual liberty) conformity and docility and mediocrity on me and everyone else that isn't already conforming and docile and mediocre.
Leaders don't rule, honorable ladies and gentlemen. Leaders serve. They don't dictate, they don't impose, they don't compel. You aren't acting like leaders; you're acting like thugs.
Because I am a patriot, because I subscribe to the kind of patriotism Carl Schurz articulated, because I love my country... I will not shut up, I will not go away, I will not conform, I will not surrender. I love America, and I will not surrender her. Because I am a patriot, I encourage other Americans to stand up to authority, including the TSA.
According to the TSA, that makes me a "domestic extremist," in the same category as a domestic terrorist. So be it. I will not let such things deter me from what I believe to be the right action, the patriotic action, the American action. I will not be intimidated, and I'm angry that my government would stoop to such tactics.
Dear Federal, State, and Local Governments,
You work for me, and your performance reviews stink. You're fired!
Precarious human existence.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Terrorism Sanctioned by Authority (aka the TSA)
"They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." Benjamin Franklin said it a long time ago, and folk have been quoting and paraphrasing it frequently ever since, but it seems that few can actually internalize it.
Take for instance the furor over TSA (officially the Transportation Security Administration, although I increasingly consider them to be Terrorism Sanctioned by Authority) invasive screening. It's justified in the name of "safety," despite sound findings that the security theatre it engages in does nothing to keep travelers or the nation safe, and the vast majority of citizens accept it. When a citizen dares to resist the horrific excesses mandated by authoritarian thugs, he or she is abused, lambasted, charged and fined.
Since that terrible day on 09/11/2001, citizens of the United States have feared the terrorist without... but what of the fear-mongers within? Are they not engaged in a kind of pervasive domestic terrorism? When persons in power harp on the things (they think) we have to fear, we must always suspect their motives.
The institutions of power have a vested interest in keeping the citizens fearful; fear makes stronger shackles than steel, and a fearful citizen is a docile, compliant, conforming one. But whatever is great about our nation was not created by fearful, docile, compliant citizens. Non-conformity is, or once was, practically a religion in our nation. It is the rebel, the outlier, the pioneer who innovates and creates and changes things. Those who foster fear are in a very real sense enemies of the republic.
But we don't have to stand for it. After more than nine years of constant, numbing alarums, the citizens are rebelling at last. Fear cannot be sustained forever. The human organism's capacity for fear is eventually exhausted. We seem to be reaching that threshold now, and for that I thank God. It hasn't come soon enough, but it is coming.
Frank Herbert, in his Dune series of science fiction novels, formulated the Litany Against Fear:
Take for instance the furor over TSA (officially the Transportation Security Administration, although I increasingly consider them to be Terrorism Sanctioned by Authority) invasive screening. It's justified in the name of "safety," despite sound findings that the security theatre it engages in does nothing to keep travelers or the nation safe, and the vast majority of citizens accept it. When a citizen dares to resist the horrific excesses mandated by authoritarian thugs, he or she is abused, lambasted, charged and fined.
Since that terrible day on 09/11/2001, citizens of the United States have feared the terrorist without... but what of the fear-mongers within? Are they not engaged in a kind of pervasive domestic terrorism? When persons in power harp on the things (they think) we have to fear, we must always suspect their motives.
The institutions of power have a vested interest in keeping the citizens fearful; fear makes stronger shackles than steel, and a fearful citizen is a docile, compliant, conforming one. But whatever is great about our nation was not created by fearful, docile, compliant citizens. Non-conformity is, or once was, practically a religion in our nation. It is the rebel, the outlier, the pioneer who innovates and creates and changes things. Those who foster fear are in a very real sense enemies of the republic.
But we don't have to stand for it. After more than nine years of constant, numbing alarums, the citizens are rebelling at last. Fear cannot be sustained forever. The human organism's capacity for fear is eventually exhausted. We seem to be reaching that threshold now, and for that I thank God. It hasn't come soon enough, but it is coming.
Frank Herbert, in his Dune series of science fiction novels, formulated the Litany Against Fear:
I must not fear.Let me share a couple of Thomas Jefferson quotes that I think bear on the subject:
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear is gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
- When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.
- I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it.
- The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions that I wish it to be always kept alive. It will often be exercised when wrong, but better so than not to be exercised at all.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Red vs. Blue
Lately, I've been sensitized to the activities of a couple of big gangs. I've known about these gangs for decades, but never gave them much thought. I didn't think they had much to do with me, frankly. In fact, for a long time I didn't realize they were gangs.
But over the years I've come to see them a little more clearly, and all the things I've seen over the years crystallized this morning as I was riding down to the Orange congregation of the Community of Christ.
Observation: Each of these gangs claims, defends, and seeks to expand turf.
Observation: Anyone living in a gang's territory who is not also a member of that gang is made to feel unwelcome, and perhaps even unsafe.
Observation: Each gang dehumanizes and demonizes anyone not a part of it.
Observation: Each gang expects thoughtless loyalty to its credo.
Observation: Each gang has a characteristic color with which it is identified.
What are these gangs, you ask?
Well, I call them the DemoCRIPS and the RepuBLOODcans.
But over the years I've come to see them a little more clearly, and all the things I've seen over the years crystallized this morning as I was riding down to the Orange congregation of the Community of Christ.
Observation: Each of these gangs claims, defends, and seeks to expand turf.
Observation: Anyone living in a gang's territory who is not also a member of that gang is made to feel unwelcome, and perhaps even unsafe.
Observation: Each gang dehumanizes and demonizes anyone not a part of it.
Observation: Each gang expects thoughtless loyalty to its credo.
Observation: Each gang has a characteristic color with which it is identified.
What are these gangs, you ask?
Well, I call them the DemoCRIPS and the RepuBLOODcans.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
The Act of Taking Offense
For quite some time now, the news has been full of individuals, ethnic groups, religions, and nations giving and taking offense. A head of state mispronounces another head of state's name, or a minor religious leader of one religion threatens to burn another religion's holy book, or one race asserts itself at another's expense, or a person says or does something thoughtless or insensitive, and all of a sudden another country or religion or racial group or individual is offended. It's endemic, and practically epidemic.
That is not to say that heads of state or religious folk or racial groups or individuals are in the right when they do something that offends; in general avoiding giving offense is courteous, civil, and gracious practice. It is good form to avoid giving offense as much as possible. However...
However, one cannot give offense without another choosing to take it.
That's right; being offended is a choice.
It's a little like when Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Only with 'offended' in the place of 'inferior.'
Most if not all of us know someone who is the epitome of cool-headed; no matter what anyone else does, s/he is laid back, easy-going, unruffled, and unflappable. No one is going to give them offense--they refuse to accept it. Burn their bible, say mean things about them, mispronounce their name; it doesn't matter, because they are secure and comfortable enough not to care what other people say or do (at least so long as the 'offenses' are confined to words and symbolic gestures--if they become direct and harmful to more than their feelings, they don't take offense... they defend themselves).
They understand the truth in the trite children's chant: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never harm me."
If we find ourselves offended by what others say or the symbolic actions they take, it is by choice. No one can be offended unless they take offense. It is a deliberate (if often thoughtless) act. It is a conscious or unconscious choice.
That means we aren't stuck with it; we can choose--deliberately and thoughtfully--to reject offense, rather than taking it. We don't have to be offended, even when another is trying to offend us. We can choose to be unruffled and unflappable. It isn't a weak position to take, but a strong one. It rejects the undue influence of another's opinions and actions on our own state of mind. It is a position of independent sovereignty. It is a position affirming our unique identities and our confidence in ourselves. When we choose not to be offended, we are claiming our particular and peculiar places in the scheme of things.
Not to mention how mad it makes a person who's trying to offend you if you obstinately refuse to take offense. ;-)~
That is not to say that heads of state or religious folk or racial groups or individuals are in the right when they do something that offends; in general avoiding giving offense is courteous, civil, and gracious practice. It is good form to avoid giving offense as much as possible. However...
However, one cannot give offense without another choosing to take it.
That's right; being offended is a choice.
It's a little like when Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Only with 'offended' in the place of 'inferior.'
Most if not all of us know someone who is the epitome of cool-headed; no matter what anyone else does, s/he is laid back, easy-going, unruffled, and unflappable. No one is going to give them offense--they refuse to accept it. Burn their bible, say mean things about them, mispronounce their name; it doesn't matter, because they are secure and comfortable enough not to care what other people say or do (at least so long as the 'offenses' are confined to words and symbolic gestures--if they become direct and harmful to more than their feelings, they don't take offense... they defend themselves).
They understand the truth in the trite children's chant: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never harm me."
If we find ourselves offended by what others say or the symbolic actions they take, it is by choice. No one can be offended unless they take offense. It is a deliberate (if often thoughtless) act. It is a conscious or unconscious choice.
That means we aren't stuck with it; we can choose--deliberately and thoughtfully--to reject offense, rather than taking it. We don't have to be offended, even when another is trying to offend us. We can choose to be unruffled and unflappable. It isn't a weak position to take, but a strong one. It rejects the undue influence of another's opinions and actions on our own state of mind. It is a position of independent sovereignty. It is a position affirming our unique identities and our confidence in ourselves. When we choose not to be offended, we are claiming our particular and peculiar places in the scheme of things.
Not to mention how mad it makes a person who's trying to offend you if you obstinately refuse to take offense. ;-)~
Sunday, August 8, 2010
We Were Not Made for This
Sometimes our intuition runs counter to reason. Sometimes...
And although our reason is our crowning achievement, sometimes we cannot help but heed our intuition even though all rational considerations argue against. Sometimes, our heart trumps everything.
That's where I'm at right now with respect to death.
My rational mind knows that death is the great equalizer; the one thing that we all have in common. My rational mind even acknowledges that death is necessary; without it, the world would be a seething, heaving mass of protoplasm. Without it, all resources would shortly be consumed. Without it, there would be no room for new life. Without it, suffering might have no end. Death is the other face of the coin called life.
That's what my rational mind knows...
But every time I confront death in the body of my dear ones (or the tragic death of a young one), my intuition--my heart--rebels. Something in me trumps all the rational arguments, cries defiance and rejects the necessity. Something in me--something in most of us--is deeply offended by death.
The world is as it is, I know. In the world as it is, death is necessary. That's how the world is, as it is. Death is part of life.
But there is a part of me--of most of us--that refuses to accept that necessity as right or good. Intuitively I know that death is an abomination and the world that requires it deeply flawed. Don't get me wrong--I love this whacky world--but that doesn't mean I think it's perfect. I grieve at every loss, and my heart tells me...
We were not made for this.
And although our reason is our crowning achievement, sometimes we cannot help but heed our intuition even though all rational considerations argue against. Sometimes, our heart trumps everything.
That's where I'm at right now with respect to death.
My rational mind knows that death is the great equalizer; the one thing that we all have in common. My rational mind even acknowledges that death is necessary; without it, the world would be a seething, heaving mass of protoplasm. Without it, all resources would shortly be consumed. Without it, there would be no room for new life. Without it, suffering might have no end. Death is the other face of the coin called life.
That's what my rational mind knows...
But every time I confront death in the body of my dear ones (or the tragic death of a young one), my intuition--my heart--rebels. Something in me trumps all the rational arguments, cries defiance and rejects the necessity. Something in me--something in most of us--is deeply offended by death.
The world is as it is, I know. In the world as it is, death is necessary. That's how the world is, as it is. Death is part of life.
But there is a part of me--of most of us--that refuses to accept that necessity as right or good. Intuitively I know that death is an abomination and the world that requires it deeply flawed. Don't get me wrong--I love this whacky world--but that doesn't mean I think it's perfect. I grieve at every loss, and my heart tells me...
We were not made for this.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Father's Day
For years now, Father's Day has been a... 'problematic'... observance for me.
Not that I think fathers don't deserve it--they emphatically do--and not that I had any problem rendering honor to my father; our relationship may have been strained for much of my adult life, but for all my adult life I have respected and honored my dad, and I have loved him since I was first me. I'll grant that Dad made it difficult to make a fuss on Father's Day, but in my heart I honored him regardless.
No, my problem with Father's Day is envy.
My most lasting aspirations--the ones that have been consistent and persistent since puberty--are to be a dad and a spouse. My reasons have evolved over time, but my desire to fill those two roles has been a constant. From about the age of 23 through 40, the litmus test I've applied when deciding what to make of my life has been, "Will this make me a better husband and dad?" I haven't always made good decisions, but that question was always part of the decision-making process.
So every Father's Day that I haven't been a father has been a bit bittersweet; I've been glad to honor dads everywhere and sad that I am not among their number. The longer that's been true, the more bittersweet it's been.
And this isn't about being the guy who gets a tie on Father's Day... this is about being a dad. I couldn't care less about being a father on Father's Day; I just want to be a father. I'd like to be something like half as good a dad as my dad was to me (although for a long time I didn't know how good I had it--it's funny how experience has a way of informing opinion).
Once I passed 40 years of age, I rotated among acceptance, desperation, and resignation--I knew that I was already past a likely age for becoming a dad, especially biologically, and that as I grew older it became less and less likely that I ever would. My focus shifted; while adoption of a spouse's children was never off the table, as I aged it became more and more the hope I had.
At 50, desperation is pretty much out. These days I alternate between resignation and acceptance. I'm trying to make acceptance the default setting...
Despite my own angst over fatherhood, I love Father's Day. I think dads--the ones who build snowmen with you and take you fishing and help you fix your car and listen to your stories and sing at your school's talent shows and kick your ass when you're too stupid to realize how stupid you are--are often taken for granted, and deserve at least the recognition of a Hallmark holiday. At least...
So here's to dads everywhere, and to Dad--my dad--who isn't around any more to make it difficult for his kids to fuss over him. This is the second Father's Day since Dad died, and I find myself missing him when I least expect to.
I love you, Dad.
Not that I think fathers don't deserve it--they emphatically do--and not that I had any problem rendering honor to my father; our relationship may have been strained for much of my adult life, but for all my adult life I have respected and honored my dad, and I have loved him since I was first me. I'll grant that Dad made it difficult to make a fuss on Father's Day, but in my heart I honored him regardless.
No, my problem with Father's Day is envy.
My most lasting aspirations--the ones that have been consistent and persistent since puberty--are to be a dad and a spouse. My reasons have evolved over time, but my desire to fill those two roles has been a constant. From about the age of 23 through 40, the litmus test I've applied when deciding what to make of my life has been, "Will this make me a better husband and dad?" I haven't always made good decisions, but that question was always part of the decision-making process.
So every Father's Day that I haven't been a father has been a bit bittersweet; I've been glad to honor dads everywhere and sad that I am not among their number. The longer that's been true, the more bittersweet it's been.
And this isn't about being the guy who gets a tie on Father's Day... this is about being a dad. I couldn't care less about being a father on Father's Day; I just want to be a father. I'd like to be something like half as good a dad as my dad was to me (although for a long time I didn't know how good I had it--it's funny how experience has a way of informing opinion).
Once I passed 40 years of age, I rotated among acceptance, desperation, and resignation--I knew that I was already past a likely age for becoming a dad, especially biologically, and that as I grew older it became less and less likely that I ever would. My focus shifted; while adoption of a spouse's children was never off the table, as I aged it became more and more the hope I had.
At 50, desperation is pretty much out. These days I alternate between resignation and acceptance. I'm trying to make acceptance the default setting...
Despite my own angst over fatherhood, I love Father's Day. I think dads--the ones who build snowmen with you and take you fishing and help you fix your car and listen to your stories and sing at your school's talent shows and kick your ass when you're too stupid to realize how stupid you are--are often taken for granted, and deserve at least the recognition of a Hallmark holiday. At least...
So here's to dads everywhere, and to Dad--my dad--who isn't around any more to make it difficult for his kids to fuss over him. This is the second Father's Day since Dad died, and I find myself missing him when I least expect to.
I love you, Dad.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Me and Depression
Sometimes I post a status on Facebook or elsewhere that says something like, "David Negaard is frazzled and fried and stressed and distressed." I have 590 friends on Facebook, not all of whom understand what I mean by that, and some of whom may find my mention of depression worrying. I can understand that. I guess I should explain.
I suffer from depression. I have always suffered from depression. When I was younger I didn't understand that it was just my body chemistry messing with me, and it took its toll. I was mostly unhappy.
As my experience and understanding have grown, I've come to see my depression as what it is--just biology, a part of my life, like my sinus headaches and the thing with my foot--consequently, I've been much happier. That isn't to say I'm always happy--depression is no picnic, and when it hits me I suffer--but I have learned to trust the cycle, and now when I am depressed I remember that it's not the end; it will pass.
On the other hand, when I am depressed my mood changes. Sometimes I withdraw, sometimes I become short tempered, sometimes I find myself paralyzed and unable to act. Depression is no longer the end of me, but it does affect me and my relationships with others.
That's why I sometimes post my depression in my status... so if folk find me behaving differently than I usually do, my post may explain why.
It's not a cry for help--I'm fine. It's just a piece of information to help my family, friends, and acquaintances understand why my behavior is different.
So if you see a a post or Facebook status that indicates I'm depressed, follow the directions printed on the cover of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and Don't Panic.
I suffer from depression. I have always suffered from depression. When I was younger I didn't understand that it was just my body chemistry messing with me, and it took its toll. I was mostly unhappy.
As my experience and understanding have grown, I've come to see my depression as what it is--just biology, a part of my life, like my sinus headaches and the thing with my foot--consequently, I've been much happier. That isn't to say I'm always happy--depression is no picnic, and when it hits me I suffer--but I have learned to trust the cycle, and now when I am depressed I remember that it's not the end; it will pass.
On the other hand, when I am depressed my mood changes. Sometimes I withdraw, sometimes I become short tempered, sometimes I find myself paralyzed and unable to act. Depression is no longer the end of me, but it does affect me and my relationships with others.
That's why I sometimes post my depression in my status... so if folk find me behaving differently than I usually do, my post may explain why.
It's not a cry for help--I'm fine. It's just a piece of information to help my family, friends, and acquaintances understand why my behavior is different.
So if you see a a post or Facebook status that indicates I'm depressed, follow the directions printed on the cover of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and Don't Panic.
Friday, April 23, 2010
You Aren't Doing Anyone a Favor...
...you're just keeping your word. Pardon me if I don't fall all over myself being thankful.
Tomorrow is DTASC Shakespeare Festival, and one of the student groups wanted to rehearse after school, so I said I'd stick around for an hour or so. I got the kids set up and went to deal with the vans we're taking to Festival, and when I came back...
Where are they?
Looked around and found them at a guitar concert; one of the actors' boyfriend was singing/playing. I read them the riot act, told them I only stayed after so they could rehearse, and if they weren't going to rehearse, I'd be leaving. All of the kids but one came willingly, even eagerly; can you guess which one was upset?
That's right, the one whose boyfriend was playing.
She told the rest of the cast that she wasn't sure if she'd bother coming tomorrow, and (because I have some experience with kids, and some with this particular kid) I immediately imagined her attitude if she did show up.
Tomorrow is DTASC Shakespeare Festival, and one of the student groups wanted to rehearse after school, so I said I'd stick around for an hour or so. I got the kids set up and went to deal with the vans we're taking to Festival, and when I came back...
Where are they?
Looked around and found them at a guitar concert; one of the actors' boyfriend was singing/playing. I read them the riot act, told them I only stayed after so they could rehearse, and if they weren't going to rehearse, I'd be leaving. All of the kids but one came willingly, even eagerly; can you guess which one was upset?
That's right, the one whose boyfriend was playing.
She told the rest of the cast that she wasn't sure if she'd bother coming tomorrow, and (because I have some experience with kids, and some with this particular kid) I immediately imagined her attitude if she did show up.
"You're lucky I showed up today."God save us all from ninth grade divas.
"No, you're lucky you showed up today."
"Aren't you grateful?"
"Should I be? You did what you said you would--don't you always do that?"
"Wait... why am I lucky?"
"You say you want to be valedictorian. You spent a month of class time working on this, so it's a grade. If you hadn't showed up, 'Bye bye 4.0.'"
"That's not fair!"
"No, the way you treated your cast-mates isn't fair. This is justice."
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