For quite some time now, the news has been full of individuals, ethnic groups, religions, and nations giving and taking offense. A head of state mispronounces another head of state's name, or a minor religious leader of one religion threatens to burn another religion's holy book, or one race asserts itself at another's expense, or a person says or does something thoughtless or insensitive, and all of a sudden another country or religion or racial group or individual is offended. It's endemic, and practically epidemic.
That is not to say that heads of state or religious folk or racial groups or individuals are in the right when they do something that offends; in general avoiding giving offense is courteous, civil, and gracious practice. It is good form to avoid giving offense as much as possible. However...
However, one cannot give offense without another choosing to take it.
That's right; being offended is a choice.
It's a little like when Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Only with 'offended' in the place of 'inferior.'
Most if not all of us know someone who is the epitome of cool-headed; no matter what anyone else does, s/he is laid back, easy-going, unruffled, and unflappable. No one is going to give them offense--they refuse to accept it. Burn their bible, say mean things about them, mispronounce their name; it doesn't matter, because they are secure and comfortable enough not to care what other people say or do (at least so long as the 'offenses' are confined to words and symbolic gestures--if they become direct and harmful to more than their feelings, they don't take offense... they defend themselves).
They understand the truth in the trite children's chant: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never harm me."
If we find ourselves offended by what others say or the symbolic actions they take, it is by choice. No one can be offended unless they take offense. It is a deliberate (if often thoughtless) act. It is a conscious or unconscious choice.
That means we aren't stuck with it; we can choose--deliberately and thoughtfully--to reject offense, rather than taking it. We don't have to be offended, even when another is trying to offend us. We can choose to be unruffled and unflappable. It isn't a weak position to take, but a strong one. It rejects the undue influence of another's opinions and actions on our own state of mind. It is a position of independent sovereignty. It is a position affirming our unique identities and our confidence in ourselves. When we choose not to be offended, we are claiming our particular and peculiar places in the scheme of things.
Not to mention how mad it makes a person who's trying to offend you if you obstinately refuse to take offense. ;-)~
