As do many perennially-single people, I have typically viewed Valentine's Day with dread. I've moped around, beat my chest, moaned "Woe is me!" And (sadly) I've often been guilty of mocking those who embrace Valentine's Day; what I perceived as an indictment of of my single status became in my mind justification for sharing my misery.
No more. And no Singles' Awareness Day for me, either. I may not be thrilled to be single, but it is not a curse, and others' togetherness is neither an affliction nor a slap at me.
Valentine's Day is not for me. Valentine's Day is for lovers. That's an amazing, wonderful, delightful thing!
Relationships are hard. Good relationships--stable, healthy, successful relationships--are enormously difficult and incredibly rare. They deserve celebration. People who create and maintain them deserve a day all to themselves. It's a great thing to have a day specifically set aside for celebrating the giddy optimism that is romantic love.
It takes no special talent or hard work to be single. Single is easy. It may not always be happy, and it may not always be comfortable, but it is not difficult.
So Valentine's Day is for lovers. Happy Valentine's Day, all you lovers!
Precarious human existence.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
The Berserker
A friend of mine, who I think finds my equanimity and (relatively) even temper equal parts admirable and frustrating, sometimes calls me Switzerland.
He calls me Switzerland because in most conflicts, I am "neutral." I tend to be the "voice of reason" when tempers flare, and even when I'm heated I tend to maintain my composure and apply reason to the situation. I consider and honor every side and argue on the basis of good sense and empathy.
Those perhaps-admirable qualities are not unalloyed blessings. Some see me as lacking conviction. Others find my even-keeled ways boring. Still others think me a coward, always avoiding confrontation.
I do tend to avoid confrontation, and I recently remembered (again) why.
I am of Norwegian descent, and among my ancestors are berserkers. Berserkers are reported to have fought in a nearly-uncontrollable, trance-like fury. Fury...
There is in me a berserker spirit. Deep inside me, carefully chained and muzzled, a raging fury resides. It is a dark, violent, powerful thing, uncivilized and dangerous. There is no place in the here and now for such a Juggernaut. That part of me does not work or play well with others; it has no more place in public than a rabid dog.
So I avoid confrontation. I am afraid; afraid that confrontation will loosen the bonds that restrain the berserker inside. I don't want that to happen. I fear what it would mean if that part of me got free.
I remember vividly a time when the berserker almost got loose. I was in the Navy, aboard the U.S.S. England, in my berthing compartment, when a fellow crewman (who'd been taking advantage of my easygoing nature to put me down) said one slur too many when my guard was down.
I turned to this ordinary crewmate, who unknowing had conjured the demon, and I took him by the throat, and I pushed him up against a locker until his feet were off the ground, and I growled.
It scared him. It scared me. I was like a spectator; a passenger in my own body. The berserker that was suddenly in charge of my body wanted nothing more than to squeeze.
Somehow, I will never understand how, I wrested control away from the demon, and returned it to its restraints. I was shaking. My almost-victim was shaking. I think I threw up. And never since then have I allowed my guard to drop; I never want to commit an act of violence motivated by nothing other than rage.
Call me Switzerland.
He calls me Switzerland because in most conflicts, I am "neutral." I tend to be the "voice of reason" when tempers flare, and even when I'm heated I tend to maintain my composure and apply reason to the situation. I consider and honor every side and argue on the basis of good sense and empathy.
Those perhaps-admirable qualities are not unalloyed blessings. Some see me as lacking conviction. Others find my even-keeled ways boring. Still others think me a coward, always avoiding confrontation.
I do tend to avoid confrontation, and I recently remembered (again) why.
I am of Norwegian descent, and among my ancestors are berserkers. Berserkers are reported to have fought in a nearly-uncontrollable, trance-like fury. Fury...
There is in me a berserker spirit. Deep inside me, carefully chained and muzzled, a raging fury resides. It is a dark, violent, powerful thing, uncivilized and dangerous. There is no place in the here and now for such a Juggernaut. That part of me does not work or play well with others; it has no more place in public than a rabid dog.
So I avoid confrontation. I am afraid; afraid that confrontation will loosen the bonds that restrain the berserker inside. I don't want that to happen. I fear what it would mean if that part of me got free.
I remember vividly a time when the berserker almost got loose. I was in the Navy, aboard the U.S.S. England, in my berthing compartment, when a fellow crewman (who'd been taking advantage of my easygoing nature to put me down) said one slur too many when my guard was down.
I turned to this ordinary crewmate, who unknowing had conjured the demon, and I took him by the throat, and I pushed him up against a locker until his feet were off the ground, and I growled.
It scared him. It scared me. I was like a spectator; a passenger in my own body. The berserker that was suddenly in charge of my body wanted nothing more than to squeeze.
Somehow, I will never understand how, I wrested control away from the demon, and returned it to its restraints. I was shaking. My almost-victim was shaking. I think I threw up. And never since then have I allowed my guard to drop; I never want to commit an act of violence motivated by nothing other than rage.
Call me Switzerland.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
The Land of Reason
Once upon a time there was a Land ruled by Reason.
In the Land of Reason, people were very much like people are here, except for one tiny difference; in the Land of Reason, people argued on the basis of ideas, rather than emotions. Everyone had such confidence in their own ideas and ideals that no one felt it necessary to push opponents' emotional buttons to win the day. Anyone whose arguments failed to persuade an opponent didn't look for someone to bear the blame, but instead took their arguments back to the drawing board and shop. Sometimes people were even persuaded by sound argument and good ideas to switch sides.
No one in the Land of Reason could even imagine arguing on any other basis. Appeals to fear or greed or vanity or any other emotion were considered the tactics of someone who lacked confidence in their ideas, and no one wanted to be thought so weak in their convictions.
It wasn't that the Reasonables (to give the inhabitants of the Land of Reason a name) were unfeeling. On the contrary, they were passionate advocates of their chosen points of view, and that passion drove them. What it didn't do was drive them to 'cheat,' when the only honorable way to win the day was to present a superior argument for a superior idea.
Reasonable voters did their very best to understand the ideas presented on the ballot, and to vote according to that understanding. Reasonable politicians knew that the only way to win the support of their constituents was to articulate a Good Idea persuasively and rationally. Reasonable judges were swayed by evidence and logic only. No Reasonable leader stooped to name-calling or inflammatory rhetoric or "talking points." Every Reasonable leader answered the questions put to them, as accurately and honestly as they could, for they knew that Reasonable voters wouldn't support a leader who was evasive or spiteful or unReasonable.
The Land of Reason had its problems; despite everyone's best efforts, sometimes they tried ideas that in the end just didn't work. But its problems were mostly amenable to Reason, and so the troubles the Reasonables faced tended to be resolved pretty painlessly.
Once upon a time there was a Land ruled by Reason...
In the Land of Reason, people were very much like people are here, except for one tiny difference; in the Land of Reason, people argued on the basis of ideas, rather than emotions. Everyone had such confidence in their own ideas and ideals that no one felt it necessary to push opponents' emotional buttons to win the day. Anyone whose arguments failed to persuade an opponent didn't look for someone to bear the blame, but instead took their arguments back to the drawing board and shop. Sometimes people were even persuaded by sound argument and good ideas to switch sides.
No one in the Land of Reason could even imagine arguing on any other basis. Appeals to fear or greed or vanity or any other emotion were considered the tactics of someone who lacked confidence in their ideas, and no one wanted to be thought so weak in their convictions.
It wasn't that the Reasonables (to give the inhabitants of the Land of Reason a name) were unfeeling. On the contrary, they were passionate advocates of their chosen points of view, and that passion drove them. What it didn't do was drive them to 'cheat,' when the only honorable way to win the day was to present a superior argument for a superior idea.
Reasonable voters did their very best to understand the ideas presented on the ballot, and to vote according to that understanding. Reasonable politicians knew that the only way to win the support of their constituents was to articulate a Good Idea persuasively and rationally. Reasonable judges were swayed by evidence and logic only. No Reasonable leader stooped to name-calling or inflammatory rhetoric or "talking points." Every Reasonable leader answered the questions put to them, as accurately and honestly as they could, for they knew that Reasonable voters wouldn't support a leader who was evasive or spiteful or unReasonable.
The Land of Reason had its problems; despite everyone's best efforts, sometimes they tried ideas that in the end just didn't work. But its problems were mostly amenable to Reason, and so the troubles the Reasonables faced tended to be resolved pretty painlessly.
Once upon a time there was a Land ruled by Reason...
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Dear 112th Congress
Congratulations. You are the new edition of the legislative branch of the U.S. government. And good luck; you're going to need it.
Many of you are new to the Congress; others of you are seasoned. Some of you more seasoned members are stepping into new roles as committee chairs or other leadership positions. Whether you are green as grass or green with verdigris, you owe your constituents your very best. You have been elected to be leaders, and leaders serve those they lead, not themselves. Since you were elected by and serve adults, please do not presume that you serve en loco parentis, knowing better than we do what is best for us.
Your predecessors, and in some cases you yourselves (I'm looking at you, "seasoned members"), have betrayed the trust invested in you by voters for so long that few of us have high hopes. If you have ever asked yourselves, "How will this vote affect my election/reelection bid," you've already betrayed that trust.
The pundits and many of you yourselves have said that the mid-term elections do not provide a mandate to conservatives, the Republican Party, the Tea Party, or you-name-it. You got that right; as some of you have said, they instead reflect a profound dissatisfaction with the status quo, and you should not be surprised if the electorate kicks many more of you to the curb in coming elections. "Business as usual" is not acceptable to many of us, and you would do well to hear that as a warning. If you like your position in the halls of power, you need to pay close attention to your constituents'; they are paying close attention to your actions and the effects those actions have on their lives.
Ideologies are all well and good. Values are crucial. But partisan politics dressed up as "values" or hidden behind party ideologies are not acceptable. We sent you to the Capitol to roll up your sleeves and get things done, NOT pontificate and posture and impede progress because you want to be perceived as a person of principle. If you can't "Get 'er done," we'll send you to the showers and try someone else.
Already some of you are talking about what you plan to do, and so far most of what I've heard is negative--undoing what the previous Congress(es) have done--and maybe that's needful. Maybe... But I'm waiting to hear what constructive plans you have; what you're going to build (you've made amply clear what you aim to destroy).
Congress, the nation is still in crisis. Unemployment is still through the roof. Health care costs are still climbing like a rocket. The economy is still a shambles (a slaughterhouse). Education funding is still a disgrace. You were elected to improve the lot of Americans. That's your job.
Not many of us voters hold out much hope. We don't really expect you to do anything but serve yourself and your financial supporters. We doubt your will to serve your constituents. We doubt your commitment to anything other than your next election bid or your personal profit. We are skeptics, and with ample cause.
Dear 112th Congress, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. I'll cede you a basic and minimal amount of respect due your position until your actions give me cause to respect you more (or, more likely, less).
You have your chance, 112th Congress. I doubt you'll take my advice, but I'll give it to you anyway: don't blow it.
Many of you are new to the Congress; others of you are seasoned. Some of you more seasoned members are stepping into new roles as committee chairs or other leadership positions. Whether you are green as grass or green with verdigris, you owe your constituents your very best. You have been elected to be leaders, and leaders serve those they lead, not themselves. Since you were elected by and serve adults, please do not presume that you serve en loco parentis, knowing better than we do what is best for us.
Your predecessors, and in some cases you yourselves (I'm looking at you, "seasoned members"), have betrayed the trust invested in you by voters for so long that few of us have high hopes. If you have ever asked yourselves, "How will this vote affect my election/reelection bid," you've already betrayed that trust.
The pundits and many of you yourselves have said that the mid-term elections do not provide a mandate to conservatives, the Republican Party, the Tea Party, or you-name-it. You got that right; as some of you have said, they instead reflect a profound dissatisfaction with the status quo, and you should not be surprised if the electorate kicks many more of you to the curb in coming elections. "Business as usual" is not acceptable to many of us, and you would do well to hear that as a warning. If you like your position in the halls of power, you need to pay close attention to your constituents'; they are paying close attention to your actions and the effects those actions have on their lives.
Ideologies are all well and good. Values are crucial. But partisan politics dressed up as "values" or hidden behind party ideologies are not acceptable. We sent you to the Capitol to roll up your sleeves and get things done, NOT pontificate and posture and impede progress because you want to be perceived as a person of principle. If you can't "Get 'er done," we'll send you to the showers and try someone else.
Already some of you are talking about what you plan to do, and so far most of what I've heard is negative--undoing what the previous Congress(es) have done--and maybe that's needful. Maybe... But I'm waiting to hear what constructive plans you have; what you're going to build (you've made amply clear what you aim to destroy).
Congress, the nation is still in crisis. Unemployment is still through the roof. Health care costs are still climbing like a rocket. The economy is still a shambles (a slaughterhouse). Education funding is still a disgrace. You were elected to improve the lot of Americans. That's your job.
Not many of us voters hold out much hope. We don't really expect you to do anything but serve yourself and your financial supporters. We doubt your will to serve your constituents. We doubt your commitment to anything other than your next election bid or your personal profit. We are skeptics, and with ample cause.
Dear 112th Congress, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. I'll cede you a basic and minimal amount of respect due your position until your actions give me cause to respect you more (or, more likely, less).
You have your chance, 112th Congress. I doubt you'll take my advice, but I'll give it to you anyway: don't blow it.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Dear Federal, State, and Local Governments
I am a tax-paying, law-abiding, citizen. I am a military veteran. I am a productive, constructive contributor to the well-being of my community and society as a whole. I am a patriot who takes seriously my responsibility to and for my government. My love for and accountability for my country can be summed up in Carl Schurz's words: "My country, right or wrong; if right, to be kept right; and if wrong, to be set right."
I am also tired of being treated like a criminal or potential criminal, of having my liberty and dignity eroded in the name of "security" or "safety," of being spied on by airplanes in the sky, of being told what I may wear to a public event, of having my privacy infringed, of having my liberties denied, of being expected to mindlessly conform to one or another party's dogma in order to be considered a "good" American. I am tired of my government's efforts to take from me the fruits of my labors, the esteem of my neighbors, the respect I am due as a human being, the liberty to pursue happiness in my own way provided I harm none. I am tired of a government that wants to rule me instead of lead me, that prefers me docile and frightened rather than independent and courageous, that wishes I--I, a citizen and a patriot and a veteran--that wishes I would shut up and go away rather than challenge its excesses and confront its failures.
(This is not a partisan thing. This has been going on in federal, state, and local government for many administrations and under the leadership of both parties. I am not a tea-partier, I am not a DemoCRIP, I am not a RepuBLOODcan, I am an American. I am not beholden to, nor am I at all happy with, either of the parties that have abused the principles and soul of this great country for too long.)
And I am TIRED of a government that, far from being "Of the people, by the people, and for the people" serves special interests and its own at the expense of the common folk. I am TIRED of a government that thinks it--an entity with no heart, no soul, no real life--I am TIRED of a government that thinks it knows better than me what is good for me, that thinks it knows what I should do even when what I want to do harms nobody, a government that thinks it has the right to compel (at the expense of individual liberty) conformity and docility and mediocrity on me and everyone else that isn't already conforming and docile and mediocre.
Leaders don't rule, honorable ladies and gentlemen. Leaders serve. They don't dictate, they don't impose, they don't compel. You aren't acting like leaders; you're acting like thugs.
Because I am a patriot, because I subscribe to the kind of patriotism Carl Schurz articulated, because I love my country... I will not shut up, I will not go away, I will not conform, I will not surrender. I love America, and I will not surrender her. Because I am a patriot, I encourage other Americans to stand up to authority, including the TSA.
According to the TSA, that makes me a "domestic extremist," in the same category as a domestic terrorist. So be it. I will not let such things deter me from what I believe to be the right action, the patriotic action, the American action. I will not be intimidated, and I'm angry that my government would stoop to such tactics.
Dear Federal, State, and Local Governments,
You work for me, and your performance reviews stink. You're fired!
I am also tired of being treated like a criminal or potential criminal, of having my liberty and dignity eroded in the name of "security" or "safety," of being spied on by airplanes in the sky, of being told what I may wear to a public event, of having my privacy infringed, of having my liberties denied, of being expected to mindlessly conform to one or another party's dogma in order to be considered a "good" American. I am tired of my government's efforts to take from me the fruits of my labors, the esteem of my neighbors, the respect I am due as a human being, the liberty to pursue happiness in my own way provided I harm none. I am tired of a government that wants to rule me instead of lead me, that prefers me docile and frightened rather than independent and courageous, that wishes I--I, a citizen and a patriot and a veteran--that wishes I would shut up and go away rather than challenge its excesses and confront its failures.
(This is not a partisan thing. This has been going on in federal, state, and local government for many administrations and under the leadership of both parties. I am not a tea-partier, I am not a DemoCRIP, I am not a RepuBLOODcan, I am an American. I am not beholden to, nor am I at all happy with, either of the parties that have abused the principles and soul of this great country for too long.)
And I am TIRED of a government that, far from being "Of the people, by the people, and for the people" serves special interests and its own at the expense of the common folk. I am TIRED of a government that thinks it--an entity with no heart, no soul, no real life--I am TIRED of a government that thinks it knows better than me what is good for me, that thinks it knows what I should do even when what I want to do harms nobody, a government that thinks it has the right to compel (at the expense of individual liberty) conformity and docility and mediocrity on me and everyone else that isn't already conforming and docile and mediocre.
Leaders don't rule, honorable ladies and gentlemen. Leaders serve. They don't dictate, they don't impose, they don't compel. You aren't acting like leaders; you're acting like thugs.
Because I am a patriot, because I subscribe to the kind of patriotism Carl Schurz articulated, because I love my country... I will not shut up, I will not go away, I will not conform, I will not surrender. I love America, and I will not surrender her. Because I am a patriot, I encourage other Americans to stand up to authority, including the TSA.
According to the TSA, that makes me a "domestic extremist," in the same category as a domestic terrorist. So be it. I will not let such things deter me from what I believe to be the right action, the patriotic action, the American action. I will not be intimidated, and I'm angry that my government would stoop to such tactics.
Dear Federal, State, and Local Governments,
You work for me, and your performance reviews stink. You're fired!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Terrorism Sanctioned by Authority (aka the TSA)
"They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." Benjamin Franklin said it a long time ago, and folk have been quoting and paraphrasing it frequently ever since, but it seems that few can actually internalize it.
Take for instance the furor over TSA (officially the Transportation Security Administration, although I increasingly consider them to be Terrorism Sanctioned by Authority) invasive screening. It's justified in the name of "safety," despite sound findings that the security theatre it engages in does nothing to keep travelers or the nation safe, and the vast majority of citizens accept it. When a citizen dares to resist the horrific excesses mandated by authoritarian thugs, he or she is abused, lambasted, charged and fined.
Since that terrible day on 09/11/2001, citizens of the United States have feared the terrorist without... but what of the fear-mongers within? Are they not engaged in a kind of pervasive domestic terrorism? When persons in power harp on the things (they think) we have to fear, we must always suspect their motives.
The institutions of power have a vested interest in keeping the citizens fearful; fear makes stronger shackles than steel, and a fearful citizen is a docile, compliant, conforming one. But whatever is great about our nation was not created by fearful, docile, compliant citizens. Non-conformity is, or once was, practically a religion in our nation. It is the rebel, the outlier, the pioneer who innovates and creates and changes things. Those who foster fear are in a very real sense enemies of the republic.
But we don't have to stand for it. After more than nine years of constant, numbing alarums, the citizens are rebelling at last. Fear cannot be sustained forever. The human organism's capacity for fear is eventually exhausted. We seem to be reaching that threshold now, and for that I thank God. It hasn't come soon enough, but it is coming.
Frank Herbert, in his Dune series of science fiction novels, formulated the Litany Against Fear:
Take for instance the furor over TSA (officially the Transportation Security Administration, although I increasingly consider them to be Terrorism Sanctioned by Authority) invasive screening. It's justified in the name of "safety," despite sound findings that the security theatre it engages in does nothing to keep travelers or the nation safe, and the vast majority of citizens accept it. When a citizen dares to resist the horrific excesses mandated by authoritarian thugs, he or she is abused, lambasted, charged and fined.
Since that terrible day on 09/11/2001, citizens of the United States have feared the terrorist without... but what of the fear-mongers within? Are they not engaged in a kind of pervasive domestic terrorism? When persons in power harp on the things (they think) we have to fear, we must always suspect their motives.
The institutions of power have a vested interest in keeping the citizens fearful; fear makes stronger shackles than steel, and a fearful citizen is a docile, compliant, conforming one. But whatever is great about our nation was not created by fearful, docile, compliant citizens. Non-conformity is, or once was, practically a religion in our nation. It is the rebel, the outlier, the pioneer who innovates and creates and changes things. Those who foster fear are in a very real sense enemies of the republic.
But we don't have to stand for it. After more than nine years of constant, numbing alarums, the citizens are rebelling at last. Fear cannot be sustained forever. The human organism's capacity for fear is eventually exhausted. We seem to be reaching that threshold now, and for that I thank God. It hasn't come soon enough, but it is coming.
Frank Herbert, in his Dune series of science fiction novels, formulated the Litany Against Fear:
I must not fear.Let me share a couple of Thomas Jefferson quotes that I think bear on the subject:
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear is gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
- When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.
- I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it.
- The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions that I wish it to be always kept alive. It will often be exercised when wrong, but better so than not to be exercised at all.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Red vs. Blue
Lately, I've been sensitized to the activities of a couple of big gangs. I've known about these gangs for decades, but never gave them much thought. I didn't think they had much to do with me, frankly. In fact, for a long time I didn't realize they were gangs.
But over the years I've come to see them a little more clearly, and all the things I've seen over the years crystallized this morning as I was riding down to the Orange congregation of the Community of Christ.
Observation: Each of these gangs claims, defends, and seeks to expand turf.
Observation: Anyone living in a gang's territory who is not also a member of that gang is made to feel unwelcome, and perhaps even unsafe.
Observation: Each gang dehumanizes and demonizes anyone not a part of it.
Observation: Each gang expects thoughtless loyalty to its credo.
Observation: Each gang has a characteristic color with which it is identified.
What are these gangs, you ask?
Well, I call them the DemoCRIPS and the RepuBLOODcans.
But over the years I've come to see them a little more clearly, and all the things I've seen over the years crystallized this morning as I was riding down to the Orange congregation of the Community of Christ.
Observation: Each of these gangs claims, defends, and seeks to expand turf.
Observation: Anyone living in a gang's territory who is not also a member of that gang is made to feel unwelcome, and perhaps even unsafe.
Observation: Each gang dehumanizes and demonizes anyone not a part of it.
Observation: Each gang expects thoughtless loyalty to its credo.
Observation: Each gang has a characteristic color with which it is identified.
What are these gangs, you ask?
Well, I call them the DemoCRIPS and the RepuBLOODcans.
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