(Okay, it's not a wart...it's a mole.)
It's a mole that my tattoo artist noticed on my back a couple of weeks ago. He said, "I'm not saying it's cancer, and I'm not saying it's not; I'm just saying it looks different than the other freckles on your back...it's got texture. You should get it checked out; I won't be putting any ink over it today."
Last week the doctor excised it and sent it out for biopsy. I'm due back in her office on April 26 to have the sutures removed, by which time she should also have the biopsy results.
I'm not all that worried. I'm concerned, but only in my most hypochondriacal moments am I more than a little anxious. Even if it is cancer, chances are it'll be easily treated and not too serious. And if it is serious, there's not much I can do about it until we know. I'm not borrowing trouble over a mole.
I wish I could say the same about other eventualities...
My post a few days ago, Leap Before You Look, is me grappling with my penchant for worry. Intellectually, I appreciate the importance of taking chances and the value of risk, but emotionally I am risk-averse. I tend to want to hedge my bets, cover my bases, play it safe.
The problem is, when I refuse to gamble on anything, I make it impossible to win anything. Sure, I can't lose, but neither can I win, and some things can only be won, never earned. If those things—call them the prizes in life—are things I want, then I have to be ready to risk and the greater the prize, the greater the risk. And as with my mystery mole, the outcome can't be determined in advance.
It seems everyone, or almost everyone, is encouraging me to leap, to jump, to "go for it." I hear it from my young, reckless friends. I hear it from my more seasoned, cautious friends. The voice of my heart clamors for it, what I used to call "the voice of reason" argues in its favor, and even Facebook's "Message From God" app told me this morning, "There is no failing, only results. Be courageous and push yourself to new heights."
I get it. I get it! I'm ready to leap, and leave worry for the warts (okay, moles.)
I am a 24/7 Worry wort as the BIG C is so prevalent in "Berry world".. So welcome to the fold..
ReplyDeleteIn regards to your "leaping", it is time and the circumstances which control the situation(s) you are in have left you very few options..
So "Leap and Leap some more."
Cancer worries me a little; although it tends to occur later in life, it's been running roughshod through my father's generation over the last few years. Surprisingly, I don't have too much anxiety about it...I do what I can do to reduce my risk and let go what's outside my control.
ReplyDeleteAnd the leap is impending, though the precise timing is uncertain, as is the location of the bridge. ;-) Suffice to say that I have in essence dared myself to do it, and now to save face WITH MYSELF, I have no other choice but to follow through.