Just a Few Sit-Ups...

Years ago I caught Richard Jeni on TV, joking about the difference between the way men and women in our culture view their bodies.

Jeni contrasted women's (culturally conditioned) insecurity about their appearance, epitomized in the clichéd "Do these pants make my ass look fat?" with men's sometimes excessive confidence in theirs; according to Jeni, middle-aged Joe-Six-Pack (or kegger) thinks he's "just a few sit-ups from major stud-dom."

Jeni was poking fun at both sexes, I think; at women for being insecure about their appearance and at men for being so ridiculously secure about theirs.

So why am I writing about this?

We all know that although these clichés may be true enough to be humorous, they are also generalizations that do not apply to every man or woman in existence. We all know (well I know, and I hope you know) women who are secure in their appearance. We all know men who aren't cocky about the way they look. And those women and men strike me as healthier and happier on average than those at the extremes. The extremes—"do these make my ass look fat?" and "just a few sit-ups from major stud-dom"—aren't good for us, but they are where so many dwell.

For most of my life I've been an extremist, but not on the side of the spectrum men typically occupy. I've been irrationally insecure about my appearance/attractiveness/sexiness/whatever for almost my whole life. This insecurity has (metaphorically) crippled me, the same way it cripples so many others, and it's on the list of things I'm working to correct.

A few weeks ago I had my nose rubbed in just how irrational my insecurity is. An attractive, assertive woman made it amply clear that she found me very attractive. My insecurity frustrated her (understandable!) and she expressed that, as well. It is that experience (and that woman) that has catalyzed my most recent attempt to "get it right," to build up my confidence and "swagger."

The effort includes perseverance and affirmation, and this morning I looked at myself in the mirror and tried to see with honest eyes, rather than insecure ones. And you know what I saw?

I look pretty damn good, actually (no qualification necessary: not "for my age," not for anything). In fact:

I'm just a few sit-ups from major stud-dom.