Consensus Reality?

I find it strange how different my perceptions of myself are from the perceptions others have of me. I think I know myself pretty well—I'm self-reflective, (mostly) comfortable in my own skin, pretty self-aware, thoughtful, intelligent, perceptive—yet I keep encountering people who see me very differently than I see myself.


The most obvious (and startling, at least to me) disconnect has to do with my appearance or attractiveness. I have always thought I had a realistic view of myself—nothing special, not ugly but plain—and I was okay with that. I always felt my sterling character (LOLz!) would more than compensate for my rather ordinary appearance.


The fact of the matter is that I still think of myself that way—nothing special, plain but not ugly—but that perception seems to be skewed somehow, at least based on recent statements made by others, as well as an experience or two that would seem to suggest the reports are accurate and my perceptions flawed.


I'm currently in a play: Neil Simon's Laughter on the 23rd Floor. The cast (an amazing cast; I'm honored to be numbered among them) includes two lovely young women. Before last night's dress rehearsal, in the course of a conversation about my marital status (never married, no children, few relationships), both women said that they didn't understand; that I was quite good looking (and they'd talked about it frequently).


What?


The explanation that seemed obvious to me was that "there's no accounting for taste," until I remembered something that happened on Monday.


As I often do, I took myself out to dinner at a fairly nice downtown restaurant, BeX Bar & Grill. I often dine out alone; if you're comfortable in your own skin, it isn't really any different than dining in alone and you don't have to do the dishes after.


The hostess seated me and almost before I could blink, a very pretty waitress slid into the booth across from me, gave me a sultry smile, and asked me what I'd like...to drink.


"Gah, guh, uh, uhr, uhm..."


Not my finest moment.


In truth, none of my finest moments involve interactions with attractive women.


At any rate, I managed to stammer out a drink order, she gave me another sultry smile, and she glided away.


That exchange was repeated with minor variations throughout my meal. She'd glide up, sit down across from me or stand very close to me, maintain bold eye contact, grace me with sultry smiles, and speak...suggestively.


I think maybe she liked me.


What makes this event (as well as several other encounters that, on sober reflection, bear it a strong resemblance) and the observations of the two young women in the cast so baffling to me is that it represents a world-view completely at odds with mine. I look in the mirror and I see just what I expect to see, a man with plain features, not ugly, but not handsome, either. It would seem that at least some others see me in a very different light. How is it possible for human beings to see things so differently.


I don't know.


I wonder, however, whether the consensus (as evidenced from multiple sources) is more likely to be accurate than my singular perception. Is perception a case where the majority really is right?


I don't know.


I just don't know.