So this self-esteem thing; as I continue to grapple with it, I've moved steadily from depressed through frustrated, and now I'm just flat pissed off. I refuse to be held hostage by my gut. I'm not putting up with this any more.
I've always felt that my 'gut' had the final say over me; that my mind (my best feature) couldn't really win the day. Because I believed that, I've never really put it to the test, instead just letting my 'gut' carry the day.
Well, screw that. Maybe it's true, maybe it's false, but I'm not going to let it go untested any longer.
I've heard that self-affirmation—repetition of a single positive thought over the course of time—can 'reprogram' our subconscious assumptions about ourselves. Hippy-dippy shit aside, this makes a certain amount of sense. One of the best things about being human is that we can make choices; we are not at the mercy of our genes. Just as we can be persuaded by the arguments of others to change aspects of who we are, so can we convince ourselves. It's another aspect of "fake it 'til you make it."
For the rest of summer, my mind is going to battle my 'gut' with consistent affirmations intended to build my social confidence. I will also take social risks that my 'gut' finds terrifying; my mind believes, and my gut is going to have to suck it up.
Don't wish me luck; I'm not going to need it.
Ummm.. Forgive the intrusion.. BUT.. I have seen you make this commitment before and,at first, you move forward with great intentions and gusto..
ReplyDeleteTHEN, after a time, for a plethora of reasons, you resign and return.. Let's you and I hope and pray that this time your diligence remains and your expedition into discovering a new Negaard is what you want and need it to be..
You ain't wrong, Wayne... But I'm not going to stop trying. That way lies final defeat.
ReplyDeleteI hope it all works out in your favor!! Keep me posted!
ReplyDelete