Fake It 'til You Make It

A friend of mine said that in his experience, there were three things that women looked for in a man: 1) gainful employment, 2) self-confidence, and 3) a good sense of humor. In his view, I'm all set with 1 and 3 (although what constitutes a "good" sense of humor is a subjective matter), and if I can address the self-confidence issue, a welcome change may follow.

That makes sense to me; I'm sure the "list" varies a little from person to person, but self-confidence is likely to make everyone's list. I like self-confidence in a woman, after all; it makes perfect sense that a woman would like it in a man.

The thing that makes self-confidence an issue for me is... Well, it doesn't really matter, does it? I know in my head that I should be confident, so I am justified in acting confident even if I don't "feel it." "Fake it 'til you make it," as they say (obvious, I know! But still a very recent epiphany for me).

Assuming I have the will to 'fake it 'til I make it,' the question becomes how? Approaching it as an actor and playwright, I think I'm beginning to get an idea (feel free to add to the list in comment):

1. Pay attention to what you are doing and who you are with.
2. Think before you speak; don't talk nonsense (have less to apologize for).
3. Don't talk just to fill silence.
4. Make and hold eye contact (but don't let it become a competition).
5. Stand tall and speak your mind firmly but softly, without apology.
6. Don't fidget.
7. Be courteous and play fair; neither dominate the conversation nor opt out of it.
8. Avoid being drawn into arguments.
9. Never apologize for being who or how you are; apologize less in general.
10. The best defense is a good offense; if someone challenges you on something you believe, stand firm and say "Bite me!"

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