I have come to know...

That I am only fully accountable for the things I can control.

I've always had a good handle on this reality in some areas of my life, but in others it just hasn't sunk in. But it's sinking in now... and that's good news!

I am responsible for the consequences, both to myself and to others, of my decisions, but (assuming I act with reasonable consideration) I am not responsible for others' feelings and I am not responsible for the decisions others make. I am primarily responsible for my own feelings and actions.

This is empowering—it means that I have phenomenal power in the ambit of my own internal and external life—and liberating—the way others feel about and behave toward me (whether they like me or not, whether they join me in my endeavors, whether they treat me well or poorly) is their responsibility, not mine.

Like a lot of people, I have tended to carry the weight of others' feelings and expectations on my shoulders. I've tried to act to bring happiness to those I care about, and to meet their expectations for me. When someone who matters to me has been unhappy, or thought poorly of me, or acted in ways I knew were unhealthy or unwise, I have felt responsible; as if their unhappiness or poor perception of me or unwise actions were somehow my fault.

I have taken responsibility for things that are not my fault, and because I didn't like those things, I have not liked myself as much as I should.

But recently I have come to understand that it is right and proper and good to only take responsibility for things that are my responsibility: my own well-being, my own pleasure, my own emotional state, my own happiness, my own choices, my own joy.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." I've liked and admired that (obvious!) observation for a very long time, yet have failed to internalize it as I should.

This summer, my efforts are applied to personal empowerment and liberation as means of finding personal fulfillment. I am owning my shit and shedding as much as I can of the baggage that has hindered me. And it's going well! With apologies to Shakespeare:

"Now is the winter of our discontent
Made glorious summer..."

Made glorious summer...

What I say, what I feel, what I do... these are my responsibilities. And I'm happy to take them. They're enough. Let others say, feel, and do what they think right and proper; that's their responsibility. I'm not going to worry overmuch about things that aren't my responsibility.

I'm going to enjoy my glorious summer...