It's been a good summer so far—I've been to Hawaii (which always does my heart good), I've been SCUBA diving (in Hawaii, off Catalina Island, and off Laguna Beach), I've done some important work around the house—and even as it's winding down it continues to be good; I'm getting good value out of almost every day.
Right now I'm sitting in a condo in Las Vegas waiting for my friends to wake up. I've been here since Wednesday, when I met up with friends Jennifer and Ricky (who came earlier and had some adventures of their own). I've been eating and swimming and singing karaoke and—because I'm determined this summer to make some changes in the way I meet the world—I've been practicing some new social skills, like exchanging smiles with a woman or letting myself be seen admiring one (my habit for most of my life has been to admire women surreptitiously: a quick glance, then look away so as not to seem "rude").
It all boils down to confidence, and mine is growing. And although the milestones may seem trivial to those for whom all this becomes second nature, for me each is a hard-won gem.
For example: While out and about yesterday I looked an attractive stranger right in the eye, smiled, and held eye contact until I received a beautiful smile in return. The fact that I actually held that is a fairly big deal to me (although since that's one of the things I've been practicing I have done it before), but what's a really big deal is that I did it without having to think about it and decide. I didn't consciously realize I'd done it until a few minutes later. I just did it (sorry, Nike). The lessons are sinking in.
I'm also learning to trust the positive things people tell me about myself (or how they perceive me). For me, this is huge. I've typically made self-deprecation my ground state, excusing and minimizing any compliment I was ever paid; the best I've been able to do is say, "I see your point, but..." And the use of the word "but" generally contradicts whatever was said before. A phrase like "I see your point, but..." essentially means, "Yes, but really 'no.'"
By doing this, I've essentially said to whomever paid me a compliment, "Thanks for the kind thoughts, but you must be deranged." How insulting, to tell someone who's paid you a compliment that you think they're crazy! (If I've ever done this to you, by the way, I apologize. It won't happen again.)
I'm getting much better about this, not only thanking those who pay me compliments without qualification, but (and this is enormous!) believing them.
So I'm growing. Not there yet, but on my way, and I'm happy with the progress I've made. It's exciting!
In fact, things are going so well that I've discovered what needs to come next (and I can start working on this right now). It's audacity—the boldness to act on impulse without too much concern for the endless chain of potential consequences which tend to paralyze me.
If I feel the impulse to put my hand on a woman's waist (not some random stranger's; give me credit for that much sense), I should; if I want to tease her or compliment her or hug her, I should. Not indiscriminately, not without some judgment, but boldly (and ready to accept correction with humor and good grace).
So what did I do this summer? I changed my life (and I'm not done yet)!
How about you; what did you do this summer?
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I had fun with you!!
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